Little Things You Can Do For Yourself

A while ago, I spent some time in counseling myself, learning to cope with Sven & his erratic behavior and with some of my own issues from my childhood/teenager-hood. (is that a word? lol Probably not)  During counseling, the therapist recommended that I make a list of things I could do for myself. These were to be things that were simply ways I honored myself or pampered myself or took a minute out of my day to do something that was completely, utterly for me.

I was asked to make a list of 20 things. At the time, that was completely overwhelming to me. I was experiencing a bit of my own depression and I was finally dealing with something traumatic that happened to me as a teenager. The therapist even told me, "It can be something as simple as putting lotion on your hands every night."

Still, I felt that coming up with twenty items was asking too much. Twenty? Wow, that just sounded so incredibly selfish. I am the person who put everyone else in front of her for years and years. I was taught that it was selfish to do things for myself, but that you should always be serving others or putting others before yourself. That was, after all, what a selfless, thoughtful, wonderful wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend would do. Right??

It probably took me 4 weeks to come up with 20 items to put on my list, and that was something I was only able to do after I consulted friends and asked for their input. Looking back, I see how simple the exercise really was, but how frozen I was by it.  I remember specifically that one thing I came up with was that I could take time to really care for my skin and wash my face/remove my make-up each night. I splurged on a good moisturizer for my eyes and face. I took about 5 minutes each night to really pamper my skin. Every night as I did that, I told myself that this was simply for me. It had nothing to do with caring for Sven or caring for my children or friends. It was caring about me.

One other thing I started to do was that I would occasionally stop by the cemetery and visit the grave of my grandfather. I sit, all by myself, and think. The cemetery is piercingly quiet, generally speaking. There is a deep reverence there. I never spend long there, but I always come away with more clarity. (My grandfather makes an amazing listener. He never tells me what to do. Tee hee)

The so-called "parable of the oxygen mask" is probably something you've all heard, but I think it bears repeating:

"As I’ve flown, I’ve noted as we commence to take off from the airport, a flight attendant will arise and among other things will say, 'Now, if we lose air pressure in the cabin, an oxygen mask will descend from overhead. If you’re caring for young children or someone with a disability, make sure you put on your own oxygen mask before you try to help others.' Why would the flight attendant say that? Obviously, if you’re unconscious, you can’t help anyone else. So it is with our service to humankind and our service in the Church and in our professions. If we don’t strengthen ourselves, we will never be in a position to strengthen others."   ---Robert F. Orton, “Living a Balanced Life,” Ensign, Feb 2008, 64–68

 Take time for you. Fill your own bucket, because you can't help someone else if you have nothing to give.  If you are in a situation similar to mine, perhaps feeling frozen and unable to move forward, here's my list. Most of them are really simple and inexpensive (or free).   This list was compiled by the input of many friends, and I am including all the ideas, simple as they may be.

• Exercise - run, yoga, pilates, cycling, walking, take a class, swim, etc.

• Run/train for a race.
• Take time to shave your legs & underarms (or face if you're a man)
• Organize a group of friends for a game of basketball, softball, soccer, football, racquetball, etc.

• Spend time in the sauna, steam room, or hot tub at the gym or pool

• Go on a walk with a good friend and talk about anything and everything. The walking will be beneficial to your mood and health as well as the chatter and friendship.
• Get a pedicure or manicure. Do it yourself or trade with a friend if you can't afford a professional service. Simply paint your toenails a fun color if that's all you can do.

• Get a great haircut and/or color. It doesn't have to break the bank.
• Keep a gratitude journal
• Work in your yard or garden or cultivate house plants or herbs.

• Read. Join a Book Club if that inspires you and you enjoy the discussion
• Do something creative that fills your spirit, such as sewing, crochet, pottery, wood working, scuplting, drawing, composing music or poetry, creative writing, blogging, soap making, jewelry making,  photography, photo editing, floral design, quilting, knitting, scrapbooking, painting, and many more

• Cut some flowers from your yard or purchase an inexpensive bunch at the grocery store or local market and put them in a pretty vase on the table

• Take a bath instead of a shower (if that relaxes you more. Personally, I prefer a long, hot shower. Although, seriously... if I had this bathroom?? I'd be all for taking a long bath. This looks incredible!)

• Take up a new hobby
• Play a musical instrument or sing

• Write in a journal
• Keep a notebook filled with inspiring quotes
• Buy yourself a treat at the grocery store and eat it all by yourself on the way home. (Or stash some in a hidden location. My mother-in-law hides them inside tupperware containers in various places in her pantry)

• Color in a coloring book

• Draw
• Get a massage or facial. You can check the local beauty school for discounted offers

• Spend time sitting in the park or on a nature walk
• Sit in a hammock or lie on a towel in your backyard or deck
• Read scriptural text, whatever that is for you

• Sing in a choir at your church or community
• Spend time researching your family history and doing genealogy
• Do a puzzle, play a game, play solitaire on the computer, etc.

• Go to the movies or rent a movie, even if it's all by yourself. (Perhaps especially so)
• Listen to some really great music that inspires and uplifts you
• Remove your eye makeup and take time to cleanse your face.

• Splurge on a good moisturizer.
• Splurge on a really great eye cream moisturizer. (This is one that I did.)
• Put lotion on your legs, hands and feet each night before you go to bed
• Sing in the shower, your car, or at home.
• Go fishing
• Spend time in nature
• Take a hike or walk along a nature trail
• Visit a sanctuary, church, mosque, synagogue, temple, or other house of worship

• Place a beautiful, inspiring photograph, quotation, painting or other artwork somewhere you will see it daily.
• Meditate
• Take a different route to or from work or school. Just for you. 
• Watch a sunset or sunrise

• Get up in the night and gaze at the moon (works well if you're already up with insomnia)
• Take any medications that have been prescribed for you.
• Take a daily vitamin and calcium supplement (if approved by your doctor)
• Wear sunscreen daily
• Buy a really cute/cool-looking pair of sunglasses
• Buy yourself a fun lip gloss. Just. Because.
• Wear lip balm with sunscreen in it.
• Splurge on a fun fragrance for your home
• Wear perfume, cologne, body spray or scented deodorant that you like

• Wear a pretty piece of jewelry
• Drink water. Ideally, try for at least half of your body weight in ounces of water. (For example, if you weigh 150 lbs, you'd drink 75 oz of water per day).  Helps with weight loss and appetite control, too.

• Read a magazine
• Sleep in (even if only occasionally)
• Go to bed early. Try hard to get enough sleep.
• Visit the grave of a loved one, all by yourself. Talk to them.

• Pray
• Light some candles and enjoy the light in the evening. (Be careful and use fire safety!)

• Eat well. Don't skip breakfast or other meals. Feed your body nutritious foods and pass on the junk. (Definitely easier said than done!)
• Wash your car
• Keep your desk, dresser, office, home (etc) neat and orderly

Obviously, not all ideas are going to work for everyone, but surely there's something here that you can choose to do that is simply for the benefit of you. If you have other ideas, please leave them in the comments. I'd love to hear them.

Fatigue and Depression

I saw this on television the other day and thought I'd share it. I tried to get the video to post here, but if it doesn't work, you can link it here and watch it. I'll post the script below.   Dr. Liz Hale talks about things that can be done to help fight fatigue and depression. She does talk about supplements and anti-depressants, as well as exercise and other alternatives.

Fighting Fatigue and Dealing with Depression
Studio 5 Contributor Dr. Liz Hale breaks down the differences.

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Fatigue and a psychiatric disorder are not the same; fatigue and depression have different risk factors. However, there is a great deal of overlap between the two disorders. A year-long study of the World Health Organization involving 3,200 patients discovered that fatigued persons often feel psychologically distressed over their condition; and depressed persons often experience fatigue as a symptom of depression. Depression and fatigue can reinforce each other in a vicious cycle. According to the U.S. General Surgeon, the number of people facing depression is astounding; during their lifetime, more than 20 million Americans will suffer major depression.

Regardless of what it is or what we call it, simple fatigue or depression, there are thing you can do to feel better.

Seek Professional Assistance

This is the first line of defense; get down to the cause of the complaint! See your general practitioner and get a complete physical. There are many medical conditions that cause fatigue, such as, hypothyroidism, heart disease, cancer, diabetes, and Multiple Sclerosis, to name only a few. Get vitamin levels checked, in particular vitamins B-12 and D, which are known to cause low energy levels when deficient. Consider taking fish oil supplementation. Great bodies of research have come form Harvard and UCLA about the benefits of fish oil on brain health.

Another significant treatment to consider is visiting with a mental health professional to ascertain if your fatigue is related to depression. Cognitive behavioral techniques involve changing thought processes which is essential in combating fatigue since clinical depression is worsened by negative thoughts and self evaluations. Fatigue encompasses both physical and mental exhaustion, therefore, eliminating repetitive and intrusive thoughts reduces the amount of energy wasted on negative emotions.

Recognize Behaviors & Symptoms

Only about a third of people with depression actually receive medical help because either they or their primary care physicians don't recognize the symptoms; that's a tragedy because this can be a treatable problem. Clients often mistake depression for fatigue. However, upon further investigation, they also report trouble sleeping, either too much or too little and trouble with appetite, ether too much or too little, in addition to an overwhelming feeling of sadness and suicide. If other complaints such as these accompany fatigue, then it's not just fatigue; it's depression. Pay attention to your own mental well being as well as to others in your family. Become educated on depression and how children and adolescents, as well as adult males, can show depression in forms of anger or acting out.

Moving here from Seattle about 6 years ago was harder than I ever thought it would be. Rebuilding social networks, professional connections, a spiritual support system, and navigating new territory was not easy. It was all I could do to make it through a full day of work. Not recognizing even in myself how depressed I was, I'll never forget shortly after my mother passed away, calling in to work because I simply could not get out of bed….if was as if I had weights pushing my body down into the mattress of my bed. It's not unusual for a major (or even minor event) to cause the realization of Clinical Depression to come to light.

Study & Embrace "Treatment" Options

"Treatment" can come in a number of different forms; the key is to be willing to do something new to help yourself! Become an expert on fatigue and depression. You may find yourself being drawn to the literature on bio-identical hormone replacement therapy, natural supplements, Vitamin B-12 shots, or medication. I once worked with a male client who had struggled with depression for as long as he can remember; he just hadn't recognized it until now. While it is seldom my first line of defense, I encouraged him to visit with his physician regarding the use of anti-depressant medication. What motivated him? An interview with Terry Bradshaw. As a former star quarterback for the Pittsburgh Steelers, Terry Bradshaw reports a long and painful history of depression followed by his successful recovery following the prescribed anti-depressant, Paxil. Today, Terry Bradshaw is a champion for removing the stigma of depression and urging people to get the help they need. (And my particular client has also improved significantly from an anti-depressant.)

Use Motion on E-motion

This is tricky…because whether I am tired or depressed, the last thing I feel like doing is moving myself anywhere, especially away from the cushion on my couch! Physical activity is an effective way to reduce symptoms of depression like fatigue. Even 10 to 15 minutes of moving your body can yield a significant result. Ask for help. If motivation is the key concern, make a commitment to walk with a friend. Physical activity produces endorphins which elevate mod and diminish muscle tension caused by stress. Walking outside is a great form of exercise; exposure to sunlight and fresh air further awaken the body.


Face Facts & Remove Stigma

Mental illness is not something that happens to other people….it happens to us! It happens to me and to you; in your family and in mine. My cousin Justi, at one time, was the most beautiful woman in our family. She has struggled with depression for years, which sadly went untreated. To mask the pain of depression, Justi drank alcohol. As a family, we focused on the alcohol addiction which indeed was a HUGE problem. As Justi is willing to get professional health, she will hopefully begin to peel away the layers and face the demons that drive her to drink. An anti-depressant, individual therapy and group therapy, as well as a treatment program, are all playing a key role in her recovery.
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Dr. Liz Hale is a licensed clinical psychologist and a regular Studio 5 Contributor. Your comments and questions are welcomed! Please visit www.drlizhale.com to add your thoughts to today's discussion or learn more about her private practice.