Coping Skill #2

Prayer.

Lots and lots of prayer.

I don't mean to be flippant about this.

Prayer has changed my heart many MANY more times than I can count.

I am, by nature, more than a bit feisty. I don't like to bite my tongue. I don't like to be taken advantage of. I like to have the last word. I'm not proud of these things. One of the blessings of the years of the refiner's fire we've faced is that I've learned very slowly to improve in these areas.

But I'm still not all the way there. There are so many times when I know Robert is in a bad place and he throws out a criticism, a jab, something a little or a lot unfair. The natural woman in me wants to prove he's wrong. Because he often IS wrong, or at least his approach is wrong. Robert's depression often manifests in irritation or anger at small things: a dirty house, grumpy kids, finances. And I want to throw his unfairness back in his face because I feel defensive, misunderstood. And also very angry.

That's when I need prayer the most, not to change HIM (although I ask that, too), but to change me. I ask to see Robert as Heavenly Father sees him, to recognize the wounds that are giving him so much pain. I ask to love him more purely and to truly have charity towards him.

Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. But I know that over these years, I've become a kinder, more patient person because of my prayers. I'm far from perfect, but I'm learning to love with less attention placed on how fair or unfair life is. I'm learning to love because it's the right thing to do.