ROBERT'S STORY (Clara's Husband)

One of the things I loved about Robert when we were dating was his kindness and sensitivity.  He was much more emotionally tuned in than some of the other men I had dated and I appreciated this about him.  He loved children, older people, and those who were less fortunate, and he had the most tender heart.

This tenderness continued after we were married, but I noticed that worries about the future started to affect him greatly.  If he did poorly on a test, he worried enormously.  When he didn’t get easy answers about what he should do for a living after college, he worried enormously.  He started to distrust Heavenly Father when answers weren’t quick in coming.

Change was hard for him, so when I told him we were expecting our first-born, he got very angry and wouldn’t talk to me for the rest of the day.  Money always worried him, even when he had a good job, and he seemed to feel like a tragedy was around the corner, even if things were actually going well.

Within a couple of years, I was pretty sure he was dealing with a low-level depression.  He became angrier and angrier in his attitude towards me and towards God.  He began to dislike attending church and was frustrated when I suggested scripture study, family prayer, or temple attendance.  He also started to judge my flaws harshly and was unkind about some of my basic personality traits.  I tried to change, but it was like trying to change who I am at the core, and I would become defensive and angry right back.  Those were not great times.  When I suggested he might be depressed, he would get even angrier and accuse me of not wanting to work on real problems.

Life was not all terrible, of course, and we had many wonderful times together.  He is funny, charming, talented, athletic, and so hard-working.  He had success in his chosen career and we began building our family together.

Immediately after the birth of one of our children, however, there were some major stresses all at once.  Within three weeks, Robert shut down.  He couldn’t get out of bed, he cried all the time, he was unable to make eye contact without being begged.  He quit his job, but they wouldn’t take his resignation.  He couldn’t deny that he needed help, and we started our journey through a mental health nightmare.

It’s now almost seven years later.  Many of those years have been truly terrible.  He has been suicidal, but never acted on his desire to die.  He has been close to hospitalization, but I’ve managed to keep him with me when he’s been the most ill.  I’ve always felt that he needed us around him when he was most desperate, but I’m certainly not against hospitalization when it fits the circumstances.

The good news is that he has finally found a level of medication that keeps his major depression at bay.  He is my partner again.  We are deeply in love.  He knows he can trust me completely because of what we’ve experienced together.  This trial may not be over yet, but we are at an oasis, and that's enough for now.