GRANDPA FRITZ & ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE

Grandpa Fritz was Sven's grandfather. He was a short, lean man with a full head of white hair and piercing blue eyes. He had a sharp wit, a huge heart and pride the size of South America. He lived through the Great Depression and was very tight with his money because of it. He was a very wonderful man. 

I first met Grandpa Fritz when I began dating my husband. Sven and I were invited to have Sunday dinner with Grandpa Fritz and Grandma Sonja, which we did for over a year. During this time, Grandpa Fritz loved to tell me stories, specifically, stories from his family history. So, while Sven would take a nap after dinner and Grandma Sonja was busy straightening things up, I would sit at the oak kitchen table and listen to Grandpa Fritz tell me his stories.  I was young (and stupid) at the time, and I didn't realize the immense value of these stories. I assumed (foolishly) that the people in my husband's family had heard these stories many times and had preserved them.

When Grandpa Fritz would tell his stories, these details often got mixed up and he would get very frustrated with himself, often clenching his fists and cursing (quietly) when he couldn't remember a name or a detail. I brushed it off as just old age.

Within about a year, I noticed that Grandpa Fritz seemed to be forgetting things more than usual. He was quiet and reserved and if he was trying to tell a story or relate some facts, he would get mixed up.  He got very angry and would often get up and go into the garage for a little while, puttering around and mumbling under his breath because he was so frustrated and angry.  After just a few years into our marriage, Grandpa Fritz couldn't remember who I was. He knew I was someone he should know, and he was frustrated that he didn't remember.  Sven's father, Gustav, was in denial whenever anyone mentioned that Grandpa Fritz's memory was failing. Gustav would reluctantly admit that Fritz had some "minor dementia related to age", but was adamant that Fritz did not have Alzheimer's disease. Sven could see it, but tended to side with his dad, saying that it wasn't that bad, that Grandpa just mixed me up with Sven's sisters and couldn't keep us all straight.  Then came the day when Grandpa Fritz no longer recognized Sven. That was a sad, sad day for Sven. He took it very hard and it did affect his battle with depression.

Eventually Grandpa Fritz ended up in a nursing home, and Grandma Sonja moved in with him. Shortly thereafter, he was moved to the Alzheimer's ward of the nursing home. Grandma was given the option to stay in her regular room (at additional cost) but she chose to stay with Grandpa. It took an immense toll on her.  Being surrounded by Alzheimer's patients all day long and not being able to leave affected her a great deal.  It exhausted her to have to repeat herself over and over to him, explaining things that she'd just said minutes before. Grandpa got to the point where he was mean and said angry, cruel things to her. He was restrained in a wheelchair and would spend hours trying to figure out how to undo the seatbelt.

Eventually, Grandpa Fritz lost his battle to Alzheimer's Disease (there were other health problems, too). Sad as it was for us, I was relieved for Grandpa Fritz, that he was no longer burdened with such a horrible illness.  Soon, Grandma Sonja passed away also. She missed him terribly, even though he was so verbally and emotionally abusive towards her in the advanced stages of his illness.

One of the things I most regret is that I never did take the time to write down Grandpa Fritz's life story and the stories he used to tell me.  I found out after he died that nobody else did either. I wish I could tell my kids those stories. I wish I had valued them as much as he did and treasured and preserved them for my own children. Grandpa Fritz was a great man. We miss him. Even when he didn't know who I was, I knew who he was. I remembered who he was before this disease invaded his mind, and I knew he was a tremendous individual, worthy of kindness, love and respect.

To those of you who have a loved one who suffers from dementia or Alzheimer's, my heart goes out to you. The daily battle is exhausting and exasperating. You are to be commended for your tremendous patience and love in the face of such a horrible disease. May God bless you for your loving service and your acts of kindness towards your loved one.