SVEN'S STORY (Ivana's husband)

Sven is my husband. Sven has always suffered from depression, for as long as he can remember. Several years ago, things got really bad. I would find Sven hiding in closets, with the door tied shut from the inside. One time I found him with a playpen turned upside down over him, and he was hiding under it, crying and curled into the fetal position. Sven only hides when he is extremely distraught. Other times, he is simply extremely moody and unpleasant.  However, at this time he was hiding and more depressed than I had ever seen him. He would rock in place on the floor and try to soothe himself, but was usually unable to do so.

I finally convinced Sven to see our family doctor. The family doctor put Sven on Paxil but it didn't seem to help. Soon he was complaining that he couldn't turn off the voices in his head. This was something he had never mentioned before. I called the family doctor who told me that Sven had given him permission to discuss Sven's medical condition with me. He said there was not much he could do and that I should simply drop Sven off at a psychiatric hospital and leave him there for a suicide watch.  Sven is at least 100 pounds heavier than I. I knew that I could not do this alone, and I also knew that if I did, Sven would never forgive me. I asked the doctor for another option, and he reluctantly gave me the name of a psychiatrist.

Sven had an appointment within a few days.  I did not go to this appointment with him, though I wish I had.

This doctor changed Sven's medication to Lexapro. Sven did not do well on either medication, though he wasn't on either one for more than a week or two. The psychiatrist called me and told me that the first few weeks of changing medication, Sven's condition would get much worse. He was absolutely right. I dared nott leave Sven alone, for fear that he would take his own life. The psychiatrist asked me to come to the next appointment so that he could discuss Sven's condition with both of us.  I told him I would be there.

Unfortunately, Sven became so frustrated and angry with the medication, that he called the psychiatrist and cancelled his appointment. He refused to ever go back and went cold turkey off his medications. This was probably the most difficult week of our lives. It was rather terrifying and my heart goes out to anyone who has been through it.

Sven has good days sometimes, but for the most part, he is depressed on a daily basis. I have had two different LCSW's  (Licensed Clinical Social Worker) suggest that he has Biploar II Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder (or both).  He is in denial about this, and gets extremely angry if I suggest it, so I don't.

Instead, I am learning what I can about depression and both disorders, and learning how to cope with them. I am learning tools that I can use to deal with the behavior. Whether Sven actually has a diagnosis for one or both of these disorders is not particularly important. What matters is that he exhibits many symptoms of both and I can learn ways to cope with those behaviors. 

I love Sven very much. He is a wonderful individual who has been given a serious trial during this life. When he is having a good day, he makes us laugh and giggle and being with him is my favorite way to pass the time. But, there are days when my heart aches for him, because he is so unhappy and gets very little joy out of life.  I know that it is important for me to take time for myself and get breaks, and I am finding ways to do that. I hope that if you have any suggestions, you'll share them with me. I am very open to your insights and experiences, and hope that we can help each other as we support our loved ones through their individual trial(s).