ABOUT CLARA

I have been married to my husband, Robert, for almost 20 years.  We have four children, ranging from a toddler to a teenager.

Robert has had some depression most of the time we were married, but it was easily disguised.  A few years into the marriage, he suffered from his first major depressive episode and was diagnosed with anxiety and clinical depression.  Many years of hard times followed.

Running was my salvation, just as it was for Ivana.  I also read a lot of fiction, had a few friends who were always good for a long talk, and learned much about trusting Heavenly Father in the valley of the shadow of death.

One of the hardest things for me during this time was the feeling of isolation, the feeling that no one really understood how hard it was for me to watch the man I love suffer so intensely.  I knew MY hard times were only a fraction of the hell he was suffering, so I felt guilty for being so overwhelmed, but the fact is, it was ridiculously hard.  I read a book on spouses of depressed people and found it offensive.  The author’s perspective was so angry and full of rage at her spouse.  I wanted to be filled with LOVE for Robert, not anger.  We were fighting this monster together.  It wasn’t just HIS battle, it was OURS.  I just couldn’t find anything out there that was written from this perspective.

We are currently in a really wonderful place together.  He still has to fight the demons, but medication and cognitive therapy have helped him get to a place where we feel pretty normal.  For many years, I didn’t have much hope that things could be like this.  I’m happier in my marriage than I’ve ever been since those first honeymoon months.

My faith in Jesus Christ and my love for my Heavenly Father have been tested, then strengthened, then tested, then strengthened over and over through these years.  I am grateful for the lessons I’ve learned (although I wish there had been another way to learn them).  I hope that this website can help those of us with this struggle learn to love more wholly and find respite from the pain.  There is hope ahead.