Coping Skill #1

So I'm just going to say that mental illness sucks. Dealing with it yourself or living with someone who deals with it...it all sucks. It's exhausting and terrifying. Sometimes it feels like riding a crazy fast roller coaster blindfolded so you're never prepared for the next twist, turn, rise, or drop. You may know something is coming up that will make your stomach hurt, but you don't know when or where it will happen.

That being said, I have learned that there are some things that have helped me deal with the new uncertainties of life. The one I'll share today came to me after a vacation to the beach where we had done a lot of bodysurfing.

And here it is: My wave mindset.

Some days feel like you deal with the little swells that come in the ocean. You just rise and fall with the waves, allowing yourself to move as the wave does. You feel kind of in control, like you can manage what's coming and what has just passed.

And then some days feel like the big crashing waves. When one of these waves come along, you don't try to rise and fall with it or you'll end up with a mouthful of sand and lungfuls of saltwater. Instead, you take a deep breath, duck down, and let the wave crash right over you. If you wait long enough, you can stand back up and brush the water out of your eyes, no worse for wear.

So in my daily dealings with Robert, there are many days when I just float through. Everything is manageable. Any dips in mood can be handled with any number of coping mechanisms: distraction with a walk or TV, sleep, a positive conversation.

And then there are nights like last night when the waves are fierce and strong. Guess what? I forgot my good analogy and fought back, trying to prove a point and make my position strong and firm. And sure enough, I ended up with a mouthful of sand and lungfuls of saltwater. It did not feel good for me, and it felt even worse for Robert. If I could have let the issue die away, then come up for air later, we would have both had more sleep last night and feel better today. There is a time and a place for proving a point, but it is almost never in the middle of a bad depression. That is the time for love, for support, for consistent kindness.

I blew it and I regret it. But next time I'll try to remember. Words are just words, and strong negative emotions don't always have something important behind them. Sometimes they're just emotions that need to be ignored so that they can die away.

How Do You Cope and Care For Yourself as a Caregiver?

I am in the process of putting together a list of things I can do for myself.  I want to come up with some things that a healthy, caring human being would/could do for herself. It can be little things....things like painting my toenails, even though no one is going to see them but me or planting and caring for some beautiful flowers. Those things count.

I just think I need to do some things for me.   Supporting someone who has depression or mental illness is very difficult and draining. (Supporting someone who has physical disabilities or challenges is also taxing at times.)  I want to have some simple things that I can do, things that will make me feel re-charged or just like I focused on something else for a little bit of time.  I hope this doesn't sound like a selfish thing.

Can you comment and give me your ideas? I would be very interested in any you have to share. I will keep working on my list and share it with all of you soon.  Your ideas can benefit others, too, so if you have ideas, share them. Not all ideas suit everyone, because we all have different interests.  That's the beauty of this wonderful world of the internet.  We can share ideas and help each other.  I really hope to hear from you soon.

Thanks!

Myths About Depression Quiz

When it comes to depression, can you separate the facts from myth? 

 Take this quiz.

Addiction & Depression

If you have a loved one who also suffers from addiction, it can contribute to their depression. Please note that I am not suggesting that all depression is the result of or caused by addiction.  I really don't believe that is the case.  But I do believe that someone who suffers from an addiction is at an increased susceptibility to depression or that it can contribute to and/or increase the severity of an already exisiting depression.

Obviously, any type of addiction can be a problem in a marriage or just in a relationship with someone you love.  Alcoholism, pornography, gambling, co-dependency, eating disorders, etc.  In A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing, you can find ways to recover or help support someone who is recovering. This is available free of charge in audio/MP3 format or in a PDF document from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  The PDF document is also available in Spanish, Portugese, Chinese, Danish, Dutch, Finnish, French, German, Japanese, Mongolian, Norwegian, Russian, Swedish and Ukranian. You can also find Addiction Recovery Support Groups that are available through the Church.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has also just created a new website for support for those who suffer from addiction to pornography, as well as for spouses, children, church leaders and youth.  The website is  http://www.combatingpornography.org/.