Coping Skill #1

So I'm just going to say that mental illness sucks. Dealing with it yourself or living with someone who deals with it...it all sucks. It's exhausting and terrifying. Sometimes it feels like riding a crazy fast roller coaster blindfolded so you're never prepared for the next twist, turn, rise, or drop. You may know something is coming up that will make your stomach hurt, but you don't know when or where it will happen.

That being said, I have learned that there are some things that have helped me deal with the new uncertainties of life. The one I'll share today came to me after a vacation to the beach where we had done a lot of bodysurfing.

And here it is: My wave mindset.

Some days feel like you deal with the little swells that come in the ocean. You just rise and fall with the waves, allowing yourself to move as the wave does. You feel kind of in control, like you can manage what's coming and what has just passed.

And then some days feel like the big crashing waves. When one of these waves come along, you don't try to rise and fall with it or you'll end up with a mouthful of sand and lungfuls of saltwater. Instead, you take a deep breath, duck down, and let the wave crash right over you. If you wait long enough, you can stand back up and brush the water out of your eyes, no worse for wear.

So in my daily dealings with Robert, there are many days when I just float through. Everything is manageable. Any dips in mood can be handled with any number of coping mechanisms: distraction with a walk or TV, sleep, a positive conversation.

And then there are nights like last night when the waves are fierce and strong. Guess what? I forgot my good analogy and fought back, trying to prove a point and make my position strong and firm. And sure enough, I ended up with a mouthful of sand and lungfuls of saltwater. It did not feel good for me, and it felt even worse for Robert. If I could have let the issue die away, then come up for air later, we would have both had more sleep last night and feel better today. There is a time and a place for proving a point, but it is almost never in the middle of a bad depression. That is the time for love, for support, for consistent kindness.

I blew it and I regret it. But next time I'll try to remember. Words are just words, and strong negative emotions don't always have something important behind them. Sometimes they're just emotions that need to be ignored so that they can die away.