Please Don't Leave Me

I heard this song recently, and I can't believe how much it describes Sven to me. I love Sven. Don't get me wrong. Sven is super sweet sometimes. He can be so tender and loving. And then, in an instant, he can be cruel -  almost heartless - and he knows exactly what to say to cut me to the very core of my being.  It's kind of a Jekyll/Hyde thing. 

I feel that the words to this song describe Borderline Personality Disorder. I think that Pink describes this disorder so well in this song. If you're not a fan of Pink, that's ok. I personally think a lot of her stuff is rather twisted, but maybe that's why it speaks to me. So.... if there ever was a Borderline Personality Disorder theme song..... I think this is it:

The thing I have discovered in my reading about Borderline Personality Disorder is the huge fear of being abandoned. Yet, despite this fear, they won't let anyone close to them, because if they do that person might abandon them. They absolutely crave closeness and intimacy, but they can't handle it when it starts to happen. It's so intense for them that they do something crazy and mean to get you to pull away. It's really quite sad. I have a friend who mentioned that his ex-wife once left this song on his answering machine. She's also a Borderline. He and I have talked at length about how difficult it can be, and yet we get so enmeshed with our partners and have such a difficult time not being codependent on them.

So what lines speak to me, in particular? Most of them, really. It's so dead-on that it stopped me in my tracks and I started to cry.  Sven has never harmed me physically, and I don't think anything like that would ever happen. But emotionally and verbally, it has been an extreme roller coaster for me.

I have tried to keep what I post very positive, and I will try to continue to do so. I really will, but I can't make any promises. I care about Sven and I know that he didn't ask for this disorder. But I didn't ask for it, either, and right now, I could use some support. I am facing some tough questions right now.

So...if you're out there...if you're reading this...I could use your prayers. Whatever it is that you do, I can use it. So.... light a candle, pray, chant, burn incense, meditate, sing, dance, throw starfish at the moon...I don't really care how you do it. Just know I would be ever so grateful for anything.